somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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