this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever