I just made out with a guy for $7.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.