I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize