If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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