dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize