Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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