i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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