every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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