oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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