fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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