We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
