I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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