Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.