I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.