Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.