I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...