Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.