dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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