i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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