If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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