I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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