I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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