I could make wine with my vomit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How's work?
Spinning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
