ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
