Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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