I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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