He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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