no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize