When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
