i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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