I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize