our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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