dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.