After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you made out with another girl for some wings
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.