Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there's paper in my vomit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.