you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos