im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.