Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize