Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
