how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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