the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
