Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
