Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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