somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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