Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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