I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
