Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
