There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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