i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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