dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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