you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
