There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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