No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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