I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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