you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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