yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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