chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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