I think my vagina is haunted
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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