ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize